Silly Pretty Things

Postscript

2006-06-10T18:48:00.000-05:00

And they eat really loudly. Like, lip-smacking and slurping. I have this weird problem with seeing other people eat normally, but geeeeez! It's making me ill.

Also, they like to state the obvious.

Maybe college has turned me into a snobby bitch?

Kill me.

2006-06-10T18:15:00.000-05:00

These people baby-talk their cats like none others. It is driving me insane. I have had pets of various kinds my entire life, so I'm not opposed to talking to them or anything, but the high voiced baby talk kills me.

Also, they ask me everything about five times. Simple questions:
"Are those your glasses?"
"No."
"They aren't your glasses?"
"Nope."
"So they aren't yours?"
"No."
"Those right there? Aren't yours?"

What, do you want them to be mine?

M.I.A. (again)

2006-06-09T19:32:00.000-05:00

Sorry, I've been missing for days now, I know. The problem is that I am, as they say, "in transition" and bumming around between family friends' houses, some of which (horrors!) only have dial-up. Also, it has been very boring so there hasn't been much to write.

Okay so that's not strictly true. The first set of family friends turned out to be really cool and young and all we did was booze and watch bad television (Parental Control, America's Funniest Home Videos, etc.), with a little bit of eating on the side. It was pretty sweet. But now it is boring and kind of awkward.

I'm thinking about taking a trip up to Bahston to visit my best friend from college for a couple of days before it's time to head back to Philly for the beginning of work and life and all that jazz. That'll be on the 20th.

I'm sorry, this was a random and probably boring post. I just didn't want you to think I'd been hit by a truck or anything like that.

Empty.

2006-05-30T22:50:00.000-05:00

I am currently getting ready to curl up in my folding butterfly chair to go to sleep. Why a butterfly chair? Because it is the only piece of furniture left in my apartment and it lifts me off the floor and thus away from any roaming spiders (I had another run in with a huge one yesterday and won't be taking any chances). It's actually relatively comfortable. I took a long nap in this very position earlier and it was quite refreshing.

So anyway, the packing saga is finally over. Everything except two suitcases and two small containers (books and toiletries) is gone. Tomorrow morning I will do a final run through to make sure nothing gets left, throw out the last bag of trash, return my keys and parking pass and drive off into the sunset (ok, up the east coast).

It's very strange to be leaving after four years here, especially after barely leaving this place during the last two. I can't really believe that tomorrow I'll be putting 7 hours between myself and the south and that I'll never be here again for any length of time. I'm trying to stay positive - I know I'll be seeing my friends from college soon and I know we're all planning to come back for homecoming in the fall. But still, this is the end of an era. It's weird to look back and say, "that was college." And to think that when somebody asks me about it, I'll now be talking in past tense.

But you know what they say, all good things must come to an end. Let's just hope what starts tomorrow is just as good.

Arrrrgh!

2006-05-29T16:07:00.000-05:00

I finally started to make some actual progress and now I am just about out of boxes. Unfortunately, even if there were someplace open to go buy more right now, I don't want to move my car because I'm trying to save the prime spot for the people to drop off my portable storage container thing tomorrow. It'll definitely be gone by the time I get back from buying boxes. Tarnation! I guess I'll just have to do what I can right now and then work my ass off all day tomorrow to get the rest done. Frustrating, though.

Panic!

2006-05-29T12:18:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to panic a little bit about the packing, but it hasn't exactly gotten me anywhere. I think now I'm resisting because I'm a little (okay, very) freaked out that in two days I will be leaving this town and school for good. I know everybody else pretty much dealt with this around graduation time but I've been putting it off and now it's hitting me. Unfortunately, I slept away most of the morning and really need to get serious for the rest of the day. But first I'm going to Whole Foods for vital nourishment. Gosh, I'm incorrigable.

"That, my dear children, is called cannibalism

2006-05-28T22:55:00.000-05:00

and that is frowned upon in most societies."

I'm actually making okay progress with the packing. As I thought, it's because my couch was taken away today leaving me with only a folding butterfly chair to sit on. No longer can I pass out on the couch for hours at a time, and it has upped my productivity incredibly. I also went and rented a bunch of movies, including Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the source of the subject quote. I hadn't seen it before and I quite enjoyed it. Now I'm on to Guys and Dolls but I'm starting to get sleepy. Tomorrow really needs to be productive because Tuesday everything I'm not taking with me for the summer is getting packed out.

Suddenly everything really is coming to an end, despite my denying it as long as possible.

Balls of steel.

2006-05-25T20:26:00.000-05:00

That was a somewhat inappropriate post title. I'm sorry, but not sorry enough to change it.

So, I used to be really terrible about asking people for favors. I absolutely hated calling people when I wasn't 100% sure they'd know who I was and be happy to hear from me, much less ask for anything from them. I even hated calling stores or places where it was the person's job to answer my questions or help me out. It would totally paralyze me and I would get really angry when my mom forced me to call a relative or one of her friends instead of doing it for me.

Thankfully, I seem to have recently gotten over that affliction and have become quite comfortable shooting off emails to acquaintances and family friends all over the east coast looking for a place to stay until summer training begins. So far it actually isn't going that well, which briefly shook my confidence, but it's only because everybody is simultaneously renovating (don't worry, I'm not so paranoid as to believe it's a conspiracy) and so can't host me. I'm going for broke, though. Maybe now would be a good time to start thinking of hostess gifts?

Magically expanding.

2006-05-24T16:15:00.000-05:00

Not me, my stuff. I got a lot of packing done today, sort of. I say that because I packed a lot of stuff but for every box I pack my belongings seem to multiply. It's kind of overwhelming. I also threw away a whole lot of old paperwork and receipts and crap and think I might tackle all the pens that don't work yet are laying around next.

Just to be sure, I also marked off a corner of my apartment in the approximate size of the container I'm getting (like those Pods, but a different company) so that I can make sure I can fit everything I need to before I actually start packing the container itself. That way I won't have any nasty surprises awaiting and will know if I'll have to ship anything so I can save the light things for that. So far, despite the multiplying belongings, it's looking like it should be plenty of space.

Just gotta keep on truckin' (and figure out what I need to keep out of storage for the summer)!

PS: As soon as my books get here I'm totally quitting for today.

Perfect timing.

2006-05-23T20:42:00.000-05:00

The furniture selling has continued at a nice pace over the course of the day. I have sold a set of cabinets, my dresser and my kitchen table and chairs. The dresser and table/ chairs have all been picked up and the cabinets have been paid for but still need to be collected.

This is great because I am getting my hair cut and straightened tomorrow and that is kind of expensive and I needed the cash from the furniture to pay for it without digging into the credit card.

Also, I wrote a bunch of thank-you notes and ordered some new books from Amazon. I am SET! If only I would start with the actual packing of items.

In other news, I started a new blog, The Beauty of Dreams, to chronicle my Teach For America experience. The reasoning for doing this was twofold... okay actually it wasn't but I've always wanted to say that. I did it because I want to provide the link to my family and friends to keep them updated but I don't really want to share everything in this blog with them (family in particular). Eventually I will probably transition to only using that one.

When she was up she was up...

2006-05-23T09:21:00.000-05:00

I think I may be bipolar. I'm not sure how serious I am about that statement. It's kind of like when people point out that I have some obsessive compulsive tendencies, but they aren't the super-destructive kind like the hand washing or super obvious or anything so it's hard to tell if it's really a problem or just kind of a quirk.

Anyway, I tend to cycle through periods (like last week) where all I do is sleep on the couch, with a small amount of reading and TV watching thrown in. During these periods I have an extremely difficult time getting anything done, even things so simple as paying bills online or putting a plate in the dishwasher.

Then, we have weeks like this one is starting to look like where I get about a million things done every ten minutes. For example, I have already sold a couple pieces of furniture (since yesterday afternoon), scheduled my school district phone interview, made an appointment to get my hair cut, arranged to donate my sculpture to a church and made final arrangements with the apartment management for my move out. Wow.

Craigslist is my new best friend (sorry M).

2006-05-22T20:13:00.000-05:00

This afternoon I took a bunch of pictures of the furniture I still need to sell and posted everything on Craigslist. I've already sold my dresser (they're picking it up tomorrow) and I have someone coming to look at a set of cabinets! This is so sweet!

On a more unfortunate note, after about a week of excessive amounts of sleep it seems that I have made up for my four years of college sleep deprivation because I suddenly have tons of energy and am very bored. I read an entire book this morning. An. Entire. Book. Ok, so it was a romance novel and not very strenuous reading, but it was still 421 pages. In about 4 hours. I need to start hitting up the used bookstore (I've already killed the local library's collection of my favorite authors).

AAHHHH!

2006-05-22T15:27:00.000-05:00

Well, the trip to Philly went really well. It was great meeting some of my fellow '06 corps members, plus a bunch of the '05 teachers. The weekend as a whole was pretty intense (I've learned that pretty much everything involved with TFA is), and very tiring, but I made it and am feeling much better about the next two years as a result. I really loved one of the schools I interviewed with, and would be thrilled to work there but it's up to them and four of us interviewed for two positions (not to mention other people they may be considering), so who knows what will happen!

Also, I called today and cancelled all of my utilities, effective May 31st. I also reserved my moving storage box container thingy and suddenly realized that I effectively have one week. Next Tuesday will be spent packing the container and then I will be out of here next Wednesday. Unfortunately, I still don't know exactly where I'll be going at that point. I may try to stay with one of my sorority sisters who lives in Jersey, but it all depends on hearing back from some family who also live in NJ. I think I'm in denial about how much I have to do, especially packing up my kitchen. I start thinking about it, get all panicky, and try to ignore it. I can't keep putting it off, but at least for today I'm going to. I swear, tomorrow I'm going to the liquor store for a few more boxes and then packing for real.

Nerves.

2006-05-18T16:50:00.000-05:00

I am kind of nervous right now because tomorrow I am departing on my first-ever business trip, of sorts. I'll be leaving from RDU at around 7am to fly up to Philly for a hiring weekend with the Philly School District and TFA. Everything is planned out for me and the other attendees, and I'm really kind of nervous about presenting myself as a professional, responsible college graduate. I don't know why because I'be been extremely responsibly and presentable for years, so it shouldn't be much of an effort. Okay, I'll admit it, mostly I'm just stressing about what to wear so as to appear professional but still cool. I'm fine for Saturday during the day when I'll be wearing my lovely business suit, but it's the "casual" periods I'm more concerned about. I also need to start meeting potential roommates, and that's a lot of pressure. Plus I'm still waffling on my feelings about Philadelphia as a city, although I just learned that it is the newest city to be featured on Daily Candy, which makes me feel better about things. I swear, I'm not as superficial as sometimes I sound.

The Graduate.

2006-05-17T18:28:00.000-05:00

I am officially a college graduate! I have my degree, I have a job. How weird.

I barely made it through graduation weekend, getting sick halfway through. I've spent most of the last three days sleeping on my couch and saying goodbye as my friends leave town. I'll be here until the end of the month, then I'll be... somewhere (maybe NJ with relatives) until my training starts June 20. This is it: one big end and another big beginning.

Let the games begin!

2006-05-12T09:41:00.000-05:00

Graduation weekend is officially here. Starting as soon as my mom gets here (which should be any minute) the next three days will be packed with somewhat awkward organized events and ceremonies. This is it: college is over. How strange.

Sweet!

2006-05-11T18:14:00.000-05:00

This is probaby going to sound stupid to anybody who isn't greek, but I am really excited about the senior gift I just got from my sorority. It's a light grey fleece blanket embroidered with the name, two of our symbols and "class of 2006." I love it! And I got a cool magnet from our local alumni chapter. I never thought I'd be so excited about sorority gear, especially three days from graduation, but I am! Thrilled!

The Gun Show

2006-05-06T15:59:00.000-05:00

I'm getting buff from all this moving-related work. Let me back up. My art history final went well enough for me. Amazingly (I think the first time in college) I didn't finish first. I finished second by about 10 seconds. But that was still way ahead of the rest of the class. I mean, really, he gave us the essay topics ahead of time. How much time did people really need to write out what they had already studied? Geez.

Anyway, finishing college was kind of anti-climactic. I mean, I guess graduation weekend is supposed to be the climax, and that's next weekend, so we'll see.

Today has confirmed that I am incapable of taking a complete break from productivity. Or any break, really. I got up at 7:30, had breakfast, played with the dog, went shopping and then have been running errands and packing pretty much every since (except for the hour when I took the puppy to an adoption event). I cleaned out my studio in the art building. I packed a lot of books. I got some more boxes. I'm making progress, but I have a LOT of stuff. I'm terrified to start on the clothes. Now I'm trying to take a real break- watching TV. Ok, so there's laundry in, but still. I'm not doing any heavy lifting.

You must be joking, part deux.

2006-05-04T10:45:00.000-05:00

I swear, my art history professor must be crazy. This is the same professor I wrote the ridiculous term paper for. I am done with college, except for his final, which is tomorrow afternoon. It involves slide identifications. However, the pool of images which he's picking from and expects us to know all of is around 228 seperate works. 228! There is no way I can memorize 228 different titles and years and artists, etc! What a joke! Now comes the fun game of tryign to guess which ones I actually need to memorize.

Grades, wooo!

2006-05-03T17:30:00.000-05:00

Haha. I crack myself up. Today, in particular, has been pretty hilarious, I think due to my ridiculous hangover. Also, I am in a good mood because some of my grades are in and so far I got an A in my elementary education class and an A- for my independent project in painting. The painting grade is definitely better than I thought it would be, so that's pretty sweet. Now all I gotsta do is hand my artwork in the library (I'm showing it there over the summer) and take my art history final on Friday! Almost done!

22

2006-05-02T05:57:00.000-05:00

Some quick updates:

1) Today is my birthday. I am now 22 years old. Wow. I don't actually have much to say about that.

2) My weekend trip was okay, I guess. It caused me to totally reevaluate all of my plans for the summer, living situations for next year, etc.

3) It's finals week. I am just about done with everything, so I'm not that stressed. I'm turning in two take-home exam/ paper things today, hanging my artwork at the end of the week and taking my art history exam Friday afternoon. Thus ends college.

Marathon

2006-04-28T20:15:00.000-05:00

I've been up since 7:30am. I am driving to Philly tonight so that I can look at apartments all day tomorrow, stay a friend of the family's, then drive back Sunday morning. That's a total of 14 hours in two days. I plan on leaving around 1:30am so that I get there around 9am so that I can easily get coffee and make my first appointment at 10:30. Which means that I am now going to go lie down and try to get about 4 hours of sleep to last me through tomorrow night. Wish me luck (and lots and lots of caffeine).

Done!

2006-04-25T18:13:00.000-05:00

With classes, anyway. That means no more college classes EVER! Amazing. I will now proceed to lay on the couch, read Domino and watch Law & Order until it's time to go to sleep.

Ball of stress.

2006-04-24T18:30:00.000-05:00

I'm a little stressed out. Thank God I will be done with (undergrad) classes forever at 5:35pm tomorrow. That will definitely help. However, it turns out it is very hard to move to a totally new city completely on your own. I am struggling to even find appropriate apartments to look at when I'm in Philly this weekend. I'm starting to get kind of scared. Not to mention the niggling stress that rises in my head every time I think about the actual process of moving. I need to start collecting boxes ASAP. The next month (or so) will be insane. Well actually, it'll pretty much be insane from here on out. Here are some highlights:

April 29-30: Apartment hunting trip to Philly (including 14 hours of driving in two days)
May 2: My 22nd birthday!
May 5: Art History final
May 12-14: Graduation weekend
May 19-21: Another trip to Philly, this time for an interview fair thingy.
May 31: My lease in North Carolina ends
June 1: Hopefully a lease in Philadelphia will begin
June 20: TFA training begins, continuing (along with district training and graduate classes) until:
September 7: School starts for students

There goes my summer (and the rest of my life).

7 miles

2006-04-22T18:39:00.000-05:00

That's how far I've run the last two days combined. I need to start keeping track again. I'm kind of a running purist: I don't listen to music or carry a watch. I don't keep very accurate time of my runs and often I forget to look at the clock before I go so I don't keep any time. But I think I'm going to start running more seriously again, which means I need to keep at least approximate times and log my mileage.

Today was 4 miles. I'm not sure how long it took, but I'm usually running between a 10 and 11 minute mile these days. I got caught in a huge thunderstorm for about the last mile, though, and there's nothing like the threat of getting hit by lightning to help you pick up the pace.

Other than that, it was a pretty mediocre day.

P.S.

2006-04-20T21:08:00.000-05:00

I also got to have the following brief conversation no less than three times today:

2nd grader: How do you know all our names?
Me: I know everything (insert mysterious facial expression)

It was pretty sweet.

Life is good.

2006-04-20T21:03:00.000-05:00

I taught an hour-long science lesson to second graders today, totally on my own (well, their regular teacher was there and helped a little teeny bit, but I was in charge and planned, set up and led the whole thing). It was AMAZING! I had such a good time and everything went really well. Given, this teacher already has her kids well trained in group work, so they were pretty well behaved to begin with. But still, I am really proud of myself and feel great about the whole thing.

We did this group experiment where you are supposed to be observing sound vibrations moving matter. You use a tuning fork to create the vibrations and then test it with a plastic golf ball on a string, a bowl of sand and a bowl of water. I don't completely get it myself (the tuning fork vibrates and makes things move, but that doesn't connect with sound waves vibrating in my head), but they seemed to do alright with it.

Also, it's senior week this week, so I am about to meet up wtih friends and then head out for a pub crawl. Should be fun!

Shudder.

2006-04-19T16:39:00.000-05:00

It is 5:37pm and I am exhausted. You may be wondering why. Well! Let me tell you! I am exhausted becuase I had trouble sleeping last night due to a visit from what I think was one of these guys:

UUUUUGH! So here's what happened. Yesterday morning I awoke around 7:30am and looked up at the ceiling above my bed, only to be confronted with a very large spider hanging out (no pun intended) up there. Surprisingly, I didn't immediately freak out, although I did get out from under it pretty quickly. I then spent about 30 minutes watching it make it's way between the bathroom ceiling and the apartment ceiling (my apartment is loft-style, so the main space doesn't have a lowered ceiling but the bathroom does). The entire rest of the day, every time I walked anywhere near that part of the apartment, I would first check the ceiling to make sure it wasn't up there.

Then, I went out for a dinner. I got back around 10pm, opened the apartment door and flipped on the lights only to see what I think (hope) was the same big spider on the wall right at eye level directly inside the door. UUUUUGH! This time I did a little bit more freaking out, trying to figure out how to catch it and throw it outside or kill it or something. Unfortunately, I couldn't catch it in a cup because it's legs were too long and would have gotten caught. I couldn't think of anything else to catch it in, so eventually I grabbed my Swiffer-type cleaning tool and scraped/scared it down the wall, out of the door and a ways down the hall. Thank goodness none of my neighbors came out during this whole escapade, otherwise they surely would have thought I had gone insane. I considered sicking my dog on it once it was in the hall, not wanting to risk its finding its way back inside, but eventually threw a big magazine at it, which killed it.

Anyway, moral of the story is that I am very afraid of spiders and that I spend half of last night waking up and turning on the light to stare frantically at the ceiling. Which is why I am so tired today.

You must be joking.

2006-04-15T16:31:00.000-05:00

Here I am, approximately 8 hours into my day of art history research and term-papering (I decided to swing by the library this morning, thus abolishing library day tomorrow). I thought I was making pretty solid progress with my research and note-taking until I got to the primary source my professor "suggested." Turns out that this lovely work, from 1715, is printed in the original type, which means that all of the s's look like f's and about every third word is capitalized. This makes it (a) very difficult to read, and (b) seem like I'm reading with a lisp. Way to add insult to ruining my weekend, Dr. ArtHistoyProfessor.

Crashing.

2006-04-14T20:21:00.000-05:00

This whole end-of-college thing is rapidly crashing down on my head. I have started working excessively becuase I am seriously in need of cash (for things like groceries, and, you know, electricity). My professors have all also suddenly decided that I have all the time in the world for each of them individually. Therefor, it is Friday night and I just finished working for almost 12 hours straight (I say almost because I had two hours off in the middle, which I spent running with my foster dog so as to keep him from going insane) and I am now going to pass out at approximately 10pm so that I can get up early tomorrow and spend the entire day working on either painting or art history research. Sunday will be my library day. Kill me now.

The Big Questions

2006-04-11T19:25:00.000-05:00

Yesterday a little boy named Devonte (name changed) who is in the second grade class I am currently observing in asked me a very interesting question. He sits by himself at a table because he gets into trouble when he's at a group with other kids. He doesn't seem to mind being alone, and actually seems to prefer it but absolutely cannot contain his commentary on the world if I happen to be anywhere in his general vicinity. Last week he just HAD to tell me about the flowers outside the window and how in the morning they had been closed but by that afternoon they were open.

I keep reminding him to stay quiet and pay attention but he'd rather share his philosophical mental meanderings. Yesterday he looked at me for a minute, then piped up with:

Devonte: "Miss? Are you black?"

(I didn't answer, giving him a "be quiet and pay attention" look)

Devonte: "Yeah, you black. I can tell you black."

(He stopped to think)

Devonte: "How come you got such light skin? How come, how come some black people have light skin and sometimes they got dark skin? I got dark skin. Is it because you mixed? Like, if black people have light skin does that mean they got a little bit of white in them?"

Even though he seemed pretty content talking to himself, I gave in: "Well, that's a pretty interesting question. It's hard to explain but it has to do with something in your skin that makes you a certain color, but it isn't necessarily how much 'black' you have in you."

Devonte: "Oh, so like when you're in the sun you get darker, like that?"

That was when I realized I was out of my depth. How do you explain skin color variations to second graders? Thank goodness his attention was diverted by the arrival of recess.

You're money and you don't even know it.

2006-04-10T16:41:00.000-05:00

An old boyfriend of mine used to say that all the time. It was endearing in a sort of obnoxious way. Story of that relationship.

Anyway, I finally got my last set of test scores back! I continued in the same vein as before and DESTROYED the Praxis II exams. I got 198 and 195 out of 200, kicking the passing scores' asses (168 and 150, respectively). I am particularly excited about these scores because these tests were harder than the other ones and more related to actually teaching.

Yay! Now there is nothing standing in the way of me teaching next year! Well, except for the 16 remaining days of classes and one final. Oh, and that 12 page paper I absolutely must write tonight. Heh.

Playing catch-up

2006-04-08T13:39:00.000-05:00

Ugh, senioritis is in full swing. For one of my classes I am expected to read a book every week and write a short (2 page) response. The class meets once a week, on Mondays. Until about 30 minutes ago, I hadn't even opened the last two weeks' books. I finally buckled down today and got the responses done, but I'll freely admit I barely read any of the books to do them. And the responses are damn good.

Now I'm on to this Monday's book, which I'm actually trying to read because it's supposed to be really good, but I think I've had too much coffee today and I'm losing my focus. Arrrrrgh.

Also, I have a draft of a 12 page research paper due in Art History on Tuesday. I have a bunch of resources, but I haven't read them in depth, and I haven't started writing at all. Plus, tonight there's a really big party that I'm going to, which will probably (let's be honest) render most of tomorrow useless.

Only 2.5 weeks to go! Must pull through!

Enough already!

2006-04-03T16:48:00.000-05:00

And now, thanks, I'm sure, to stress, I am getting sick (and using excessive commas). Just what I need when faced with many weeks of work and three weeks left of semester. I want to crawl in a hole and die. Instead, I get to think of ways to explain to my painting advisor why I have done zero painting in the last two weeks. That should be fun.

Pouring.

2006-04-02T19:20:00.000-05:00

Why is it that bad things seem to pile up all at once? There's all the stress of the recent events on and around campus (compiled by massive media attention and various rumours about retaliation in the form of a drive-by in the neighborhood, etc, etc). There's the fact that the end of the semester (and, accordingly, the end of COLLEGE) is looming. There's the fact that I slacked big time last week and am behind in everything.

And then today I got in a car accident.

Ah yes, just throwing another straw on the metaphorical camel's back.

It wasn't a bad car accident. Everyone involved is okay. I was backing out of a parking spot and another person was backing down what is apparently called the "lane" and we collided. Since we were both going backwards, it's hard to determine who is at fault but the general consensus (by that I mean: me, the police and my insurance company) is that it was both of our faults. There was much more damage to the other car, mine was just scratched on the rear bumper and my car wasn't that pretty to begin with. I think the other person was somewhat upset that I filed an accident report (I didn't think to until after we'd exchanged insurance info and left, but have been assured that it was the best thing to do in such a confusing situation, especially since I had far less damage). Oh well.

Ugh, all I want to do is crawl in bed and sleep for a week but instead I have to play catch-up with my school work.

Ouch.

2006-04-02T11:53:00.000-05:00

My puppy has been on a two day rampage wherein he accidentally injures me as frequenty as possible. I am covered in small scratchs, punctures and bruising. I know it's becuase he's hyper but it's also very hot out which limits the amount of outside time we can have. He gets hot really quickly because he's fuzzy and black, then pants like a maniac making me extremely nervous. So, instead of lots of outside time, I've been trying to play with him inside but have learned that what looks like a puppy is really one big sharp ball of teeth and claws. Ouch.

Gag reflex

2006-03-31T19:27:00.000-05:00

I almost vomited whilst babysitting this morning. I swear, there is nothing grosser than a 2-year-old sitting on the toilet and pooping loudly while snot runs down their face. GROSS. I actually threw up a little bit in my mouth, making my eyes water, before I brought myself under control.

And, I have to say, I have a pretty high grossness tolerance.

Although actually vomit really grosses me out as well. I'm sure this adversity to vomit and snot will serve me well as an elementary school teacher.

What a crazy violent world.

2006-03-28T21:24:00.000-05:00

These last two weeks have been increasingly disturbing and stressful for many of us in the Triangle area, and even more so for many Duke students.

First, the son of two Duke professors was found dead just off campus. I have met one of their other children and my heart goes out to the family.

Second, the mounting investigation into the alleged gang-rape and beating of an exotic dancer by members of the Duke lacrosse team. I don't even know how to begin to address this. On the one hand, I am appalled by the allegations. Somebody was quoted as calling it the "Perfect Storm," a deadly explosion of recent local issues. In many ways, this issue combines many of the problems that have been happening for the last few years into one big, horrific incident. On the other hand, in our country people are innocent until proven otherwise, and at this point there have been no charges filed.

I understand that people are frustrated and want answers, but I also think that it is hard to know what is going on when looking from the outside. I don't like the members of the lacrosse team that I am familiar with, but I am also hesitant to unduly condemn them. I am particularly frustrated with those who are quick to condemn the university and its general student body as a result of these allegations.

Stress levels are high and it will be interesting to see what comes next. Hopefully, it will be answers.

Excuses

2006-03-24T20:23:00.000-05:00

This blog has gone down hill recently, I admit it. I'm still missing that post on my trip to Philly (a quick overview: the school was terrifying and I like the city but am nervous about what a huge change it's going to be), and I've been really boring recently. Plus, my puppy is currently sick and therefor taking up all of my time and energy. I won't go into specifics because I don't want to gross anyone out, but lets just say it's involved not a lot of sleep, a lot of laundry and a lot of paper towels and disinfectant. We're going to the vet bright and early tomorrow morning.

Dah Nile

2006-03-19T18:38:00.000-05:00

I am in denial that spring break is pretty much over. You wouldn't know it from looking since I've been relatively productive today, but I absolutely hate the idea of classes tomorrow. Also, I am once again behind in my independent painting project and I have no motivation to go paint. I got about an hour and a half done today and then got bored and left. My advisor is going to kill me on Tuesday. I'll have to go tomorrow morning before my class in the afternoon around the trip to the airport to pick up my ungrateful friends. Or maybe in the evening. Who cares, I just want to lie on my couch and indulge my new Law & Order obsession. I particularly like Criminal Intent because I really like the detective guy. He cracks me up.

Annnnyway. I know, I know, still no post on Philly. I'm getting there. Slowly.

Score Reports

2006-03-18T14:35:00.000-05:00

I just got my Praxis I score report in the mail. No big surprises since it was computerized so I only had to learn my writing score and I wasn't exactly concerned about that. As previously noted, I destroyed the Praxis I, but DAMN it was nice to see those "PASSED" notations on the official score report.

Now just need to wait it out for the Praxis II scores, of which I am significantly less confident.

PS: The trip to Philly was very enlightening. I'll post about it once I figure out what I want to say.

Jitters

2006-03-12T18:01:00.000-05:00

I'm leaving for Philly tonight at midnight. That may sound crazy, since I'm driving and it's about a six hour trip, but I think it makes the most possible sense. This way I'll get there early in the morning with enough time to get breakfast and find the school I'm visiting. After school I'll be right in time to check into my hotel. This way I only have to pay for 2 nights in the hotel, and I'll miss all the DC area traffic since it'll be about 4am when I pass through.

I'm actually getting kind of nervous about this trip. Not because of the drive, but because I'm setting off to spend three days by myself in a city I've never been to before. This is possibly the most grown-up thing I've done up to now. Scary.

Wish me luck!

M.I.A.

2006-03-11T21:07:00.000-05:00

I've been missing for quite awhile, I know. Turns out I was completely burned out by my three-Saturday-in-a-row standardized testing binge and have since been either partying with my friends (just a little) or passed out on either my bed or my couch (a whole lot). That, and obsessively checking the Craigslist apartment listings for Philly. I'm going up tommorrow for my first visit, and I'll be looking at apartments on Tuesday, but I think I might just have to wait to find the best deal. I'm not very good at waiting. Speaking of which, waiting for said standardized tests to send me my scores is not so sweet.

Also, to add insult to injury (or injury to burnout, as it were) the puppy and I had a minor accident the other day. We were out running and almost back home after about 3 miles when he got it into his fool head to pick up a stick in his mouth. In what should have been a slow-motion movement, he swung his head around proudly just as my left knee came forward, leaving me with a 2 inch long bloody gash going vertically across my kneecap. It was one of those that started bleeding immediately and fairly profusely, forcing me to walk the last half mile home with blood dripping down my knee. Of course, the school across the street from my apartment complex had just gotten out for the day, so I also got to have lots of kids stare at my bloody knee as I walked by. After administering first aid, I determined that everything was going to be fine, although 3 days later it's still pretty nasty looking (mostly due to significant bruising all around the cut) and my knee is still kind of sore. Sigh.

But on a more pleasant note, happy spring break!

Uuuugh.

2006-03-04T06:06:00.000-05:00

I would like to take this moment to point that it is 6:06 AM on a Saturday and I am up right now so I can drive to Raleigh to take a pair of standardized teacher certification tests that, since they are scheduled in specific time blocks out of three testing blocks, are going to take me allllll day. I have tests in the first and third time blocks, which means I apparently just have to hang out during the second block since it's just too far to justify coming back here in between.

Which also means I had to recruit a friend to come take the puppy out during the day, but he'll still be alone in his crate or out in my apartment for pretty much the next 24 hours.

Part of that is because tonight is the Duke-Carolina game, which I am required to go to a bar and watch. Yes, required.

My attention span

2006-03-03T18:23:00.000-05:00

is absolutely nil today.

Two Things

2006-03-02T16:56:00.000-05:00

1. I was running a little bit late for my one class of the day and when I went outside to get in my car it wasn't there. I was kind of confused for a moment until I remembered that I drove to the bar last night and left my car there when we left (since I'd been drinking). Fortunately, that situation was more hilarious than anything else since the bar is about two blocks from my apartment* in the direction of school, so it only wasted minimal time.

2. All of my Teach For America "textbooks" came today! I was really (dorkily) excited and started comparing it to Christmas until I realized it's actually work. Interesting, relevant work, but still work. Not so much the same as Christmas, as it turns out.

* In case you were wondering, I drove to the bar because I picked up some friends who live farther away first. Normally I would just walk the two blocks. I am not that lazy.

At risk of jinxing myself again...

2006-03-02T10:32:00.000-05:00

Today is going beautifully! And it didn't really start out looking that great since I got home from a night out at our favorite local pub at about 3:30 (we know the bartender/co-owner so we hang out late) and then was woken up by the puppy at 8. Which is him letting me sleep in. But still only gave me four and a half hours of sleep.

Anyway, we got up at 8, then I pretended to read on the couch for an hour while he ate and walked around, but really kept almost falling asleep only to be startled awake by his tongue on my face multiple times.

But it's been uphill from there!

We went for a 45 minute walk, which was lovely, it's already about 70 degrees out and sunny, which is lovely, and I have very little to do today, which is obviously going to be lovely.

I just made over-easy eggs for the first time on my own and they were delicious and I get to sit here and watch Martha.

It's looking like a winner of a day!

I knew it.

2006-03-01T13:28:00.000-05:00

I knew that post yesterday about my good luck in leaving the dog alone in the apartment was pushing said luck.

I knew it.

I returned to my apartment today after about 4 hours away and found Grover in the midst of tearing the stuffing out of one of my large sofa cushions. I didn't catch him in the act so I couldn't yell at him but I could tell from his behavior that he was in the middle of the process. ARRRRRRGH.

I guess it could have been worse. There weren't any accidents. He managed to get the stuffing out by somehow unzipping the zipper side of the cushion so all I ended up having to do was stuff it back and re-zip. But still. ARRRRRRGH.

And, I have to leave again in about 30 minutes for about 2 hours and I'm not sure what I should do. I think I'm going to put him in the crate for the afternoon, then try again tomorrow morning. Just gotta keep reminding myself he's only a puppy. Only. A. Puppy.

Boring

2006-02-28T19:54:00.000-05:00

I know I've been pretty boring lately, and I apologize for that. I've unfortunately had all of my time filled with studying for and taking standardized tests, trying to get my schoolwork done, dealing with the puppy and trying to get enough sleep so that I don't get sick. Oh yes and babysitting.

A few notes:

1. Only one more test to go. It's the dreaded Praxis II, which is teaching subject tests. I am taking two Elementary Education tests. I'm sure it'll be fine but I'm a little stressed becuase it covers some learning theory I'm not as familiar with.

2. I keep wanting to post about some major strides I've made with the foster puppy but I've been afraid that might jinx it. I've been leaving him loose in the apartment for longer and longer times and he's done way better than I thought he would. There have been no accidents and he hasn't chewed anything up (knock enthusiastically on wood). Today I even left him for about 5 hours and he was fine, if extremely hyper when I got back. In fact, his behavior seems to be better when he isn't cooped up in the crate nearly as much. I say that even though we had some big behavior issues during our run today, but then nobody's perfect.

3. I don't really like the new kid I'm babysitting for. He's about two and a half and I just don't think that's my age level. You can't reason with them at that age. I feel pretty bad about not liking a small child, but it really wouldn't be reasonable for me to have to like every kid ever, right? Right. Right?

4. Last night I had this amazing, really detailed dream about being in Paris. I love Paris. I really want to go back as soon as possible. I'm not really sure where that whole list item came from, but that's alright.

Praxis I... check!

2006-02-25T17:22:00.000-05:00

Two tests down, one to go! I destroyed the Praxis I (187 on the math and 185 on the reading, writing score pending), so that's nice. Next Saturday is the dreaded Praxis II, which I am actually kinda worried about since it involves questions about the practice of teaching and whatnot.

Anyway, after the test this morning I sent in the last of my certification paperwork and then watched Rent on DVD and took a nap. Then I took the puppy for a walk and dropped off the video (30 min walk each way). Now I am going to lie on the couch and read for a little bit, then take a shower and go get ready for a TOGA PARTY at a friend's apartment.

Yay for taking an afternoon/evening for destressing!

Hpth.

2006-02-22T22:38:00.000-05:00

That's how I'm feeling right now. Hpth. Loosely translated, that means exhausted. I'm not really sure why I've been so tired recently, but I think it's mostly mental, from pushing myself really hard to do as much as I can to prepare for next year by teaching art class and doing all this reading, both for my education classes and on my own and on and on and on. I keep thinking that the foster puppy was not a good idea this semester, since he's another thing to think about and a whole lot of work, but then I remind myself that he's also probably what's keeping me sane right now (forcing me to take relaxing walks, making me laugh, helping me get out my frustration in productive ways like going for long runs).

But for right this moment, I'm going to leave things at "hpth" and go to sleep.

I am going to be an amazing teacher.

2006-02-18T21:13:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to share. (Did you notice that today has become my day of pumping up my self-esteem?)

GRE... check!

2006-02-18T14:41:00.000-05:00

I just took the GRE. I've been fairly stressed out about it, but it went way better than I thought it would. In typical me style, I finished in 2 hours. Sped through that baby. The worst part was hitting the button to see my scores (except for the writing, obvi) on the computer. Scary moment. I got a 670 on the verbal section and a 650 on the quantative section. Not to brag, but I could get into Harvard's Grad School of Education with those scores. Or, you know, anywhere. YESSSSSS!

What grade am I now?

2006-02-15T20:52:00.000-05:00

The hardest part of today has been switching between the various "modes" I needed to function in.

First, I had breakfast and dealth with the puppy. We had a particularly dramatic incident on our walk this morning. We were walking down a sidewalk that has a tall chain-link fence on the right, which sits at the top of a slope leading down to a school's playfields. There are a number of places where the fence has been bent up from the ground creating little pathways for kids to try to crawl through, although they seem to be too small for children. Not too small for puppies! Grover managed to slip on the dirt and slide right through one, then panic because I was still hanging onto his leash on the other end. I tried to pull him back up, but the way the fence was twisted made that impossible because the sharp points started to dig into his side (one of those one-way trap kind of things). Finally, I had to let him go and coerce him into following me to a bigger gap, which I managed to wiggle him through. When we got back to my apartment, I was concerned that he might have been cut on the nasty so I ran my hand down his side to check. To my horror, my hand came up with blood all over it. I flipped out, and went to go wash it off before calling the vet. In the process of washing, I realized (strangely to my relief) that it was really a cut on my hand from wiggling him out. Strange that I was much less concerned about my own dirt-fence-cut than the possibility of his having one.

Then, I had to change into 5th-grade-book-group mode, leading a low-level reading group in discussion of two chapters of their book for an hour. Unfortunately, their book is somewhat lacking in good material, although they did have an interesting conversation about their own experience with family members dying (a plot line in the book). One of the kids' dad died in Mexico a long time ago, then after moving here his mom died of cancer (recently, but it was unclear exactly when). Gosh.

Next, I spend about an hour preparing my lesson for the art elective I'm teaching, and then another hour doing the lesson with my group of 22ish K-5th graders. Whew. Today we made paper-bag puppets. It was great fun, except it's hard to draw the older kids in. I love the K, 1st and 2nd graders, though.

Theeeeen, I babysat for my new charge, a 3y/o boy for two hours.

It was kind of exhausting. I stopped by the library on my way home to pick up a selection of kids' books, then finally got to take some time for myself (sort of) and take the puppy running. We did a little over 3 miles. Now I'm going to go make some food and chill.

Female!

2006-02-13T15:59:00.000-05:00

The other day I was babysitting for my favorite 5-year-old once again, when we had the following conversation in the car:

Me: So how do you like your dinosaur mural in your new bedroom?

5yo: It's cool!

Me: What's your favorite part?

5yo: I like the baby dinosaurs. My favorite dinosaur is Velociraptor!

Me: Yeah, I know you like Velociraptors.

5yo: Yeah, did you know that they are carnivores?

Me: Yes, I did know that. Do you know what you call dinosaurs that aren't carnivores?

5yo: (Pause) FEMALES!!!!

Me: ...

Oh, the hilarity that is the 5 year old mind.

Balancing act

2006-02-12T11:02:00.000-05:00

I am once again in one of those weird mood/ periods where I am totally in the middle of dealing with two completely different phases of my life. Only this time it is magnified by about a zillion. Usually I feel this way at the point in the semester where I start thinking about the next semester's classes and plans, etc, etc. I start to lose interest in my current classes and work and get excited about what's next.

It's similar right now, only this time what comes next is much bigger and more important. I mean, in a little over 3 months, I'll be moving, and not just that, but moving to a city I've never been to and don't really know anyone in. In less than 7 months, I will have my own classroom and it will be filled with students. Most likely, these will be students who are pretty far behind, students that are struggling with school. Somehow my classes seem significantly less vital. I mean, sure, they're fairly interesting. Two of them are even going to help me out with the whole teaching thing. But I can feel my interest slipping and my focus narrowing in on moving and getting ready to teach.

For example, I just got really excited because I washed out a class jar that I'm planning on using in my classroom. A glass jar. That is not a very exciting thing, but I got excited because it's related to what's coming next.

Ugh, I need to go drink my coffee and get my schoolwork done. If only to graduate so I can get on with my life.

Sir Grover

2006-02-09T17:54:00.000-05:00

As promised, I present to you my foster puppy:

Isn't he cute? He should go fast...

Three

2006-02-08T21:11:00.000-05:00

I have three seperate things I'd like to cover in this post. In typical Type-A fashion, I will give them to you in list format.

1. Class assisting
Today was my first day of classroom assisting. I am assisting for one hour twice a week in a 5th grade classroom at a local public school. As I learned today, my primary responsibility will be to work with the lower reading group during their group meetings. As such, I will be reading their book, which is Toughboy & Sister by Kirkpatrick Hill. All of the groups are reading books with survival themes. I think it should be an interesting experience and will definitely give me some insight into what I'll do in my classroom with reading groups.

2. Art clubbing
Week two of the art "club" at a different local school. Today we made masks out of construction paper. I decided to save the mosaic project for later in the semester. It went a lot better than the first week, but there is still plenty of room for improvement.

3. Being a grown-up
I am officially taking a three day trip to Philly over spring break to check out the city and perhaps find an apartment. I am a little nervous (in an excited way) because it's really the first big trip I'm taking completely on my own. I don't know anyone in Philly, although I've been given some names, and I've never been there. I made my own hotel reservations and have contacted the TFA office there to see if I can watch a corps member teach. I've been researching the city and the neighborhoods and apartments. It's just kind of intimidating thinking about contacting all these apartment people without being able to see even the buildings before I go. It's a little over 6 hours driving from here to Philly, which is another part of the planning. I guess the weirdest part is that I can do absolutely whatever I want for three days. I mean, I do that here, but this is taking a trip somewhere else and having nothing I absolutely have to do. I can leave here whenever I want. I think I might do it the crazy way and leave late at night on Sunday to get there early Monday morning so I can observe on Monday and have Tuesday and Wednesday to look around and check out apartments. Plus that way I won't hit any traffic. Anyway, exciting step.

Ridiculous

2006-02-08T02:42:00.000-05:00

I had the worst possible morning this morning. Truly. It all started last night when I was finishing a presentation that was due in a class I had today at 1:15 pm. My puppy chewed through the power cord to my laptop and eventually I lost all power, which left me unable to finish my presentation and unable to access what I had already.

So. Today, I got up at 7:30 and went for a run with the puppy. He misbehaved throughout all 3 miles, which I should have known was a bad omen for the rest of the day. We made it through breakfast alright, but then I had to go explain to my independent study advisor why I was behind. That lasted from 10:30 until about 10:50am.

I then went to go get a new power cord so I could finish my presentation before class at 1:15. But it was not to be. The campus computer store was out of power cords. I then had to go to the Apple store at the mall, about 20-25 minutes away by freeway, to get a new cord. Right before I got on the freeway, I hit a big pothole in the road. "Oh, that was bad," I thought to myself, "Thank goodness it didn't cause any major damage."

Immediately after I got on the freeway and started to accelerate, my tire exploded. I had to drive about 15 miles per hour in a shaky smoking car to the next exit and to the next small road until I could pull over. I started crying due to stress and poor luck. I called AAA, and, fortunately, it only took them about 20 minutes to get to me to put my spare tire on my car (I don't have a jack). Unfortunately, by the time I had the spare tire, it was about noon. I could only drive about 45mph on the spare, forcing me to block traffic on the freeway all the way to the mall.

Finally, I got to the mall where I purchased a new power cord and a printer. I went back out to the car only to find that I had been blocked in by a FedEx semi truck. I found the driver and promptly got into a big argument with him since he insisted on being an asshole and trying to flirt with me by asking if I could "have a sense of humor" and "just wait." Poor timing, buddy. I insisted that he move immidiately, and generally was a huge bitch.

Finally, I got back to my apartment at about 12:55 (20 minutes before class). I had time to delete two slides from my presentation and consolidate some information. I did not have time to complete the reading. I got to class 2 minutes late. I gave my presentation, which was fine but not up to my standards.

From there, the day got better, culminating in our close win over Carolina (I realize that gives away my school, which previously has been a secret, but that's just too important to hide). Thank God, because otherwise I would probably be in bed sobbing.

My puppy is a Fanilow

2006-02-06T18:12:00.000-05:00

I am currently watching Marth, one of my favorite shows, while getting some work done. My foster puppy has been very edgy and hyper this afternoon, but as soon as Barry Manilow started singing on the TV, he stopped moving, sat down, and watched intently until the song was over. Weird.

Sleepy Stormy Saturday

2006-02-04T18:11:00.000-05:00

What a great alliteration! Teehee...

It poured for most of the day today, but through sheer luck I managed to get in two long walks with the pupppy (an hour in the morning and 45 minutes late afternoon) during dry spells.

Other than that, all I did today was a little bit of non-academic reading and a whooooole lot of sleeping on the sofa. Yes, that's right, I did nothing productive! I think I deserved it after working really hard for the last week. Plus, since I worked so hard all week, I didn't really have anything I needed to do today. I love it how that works!

"Tell them we are rising"

2006-02-03T13:59:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite benefits of waking up early in the morning, besides watching it get light out, and the quiet when most people are asleep, is that I can accomplish so much more in a day. For example, this morning, after finishing all of the assignments and reading for my two education classes for next week, I read Tell Them We Are Rising by Ruth Wright Hayre and Alexis Moore. This incredible book tells the story of Dr. Hayre's personal history, and how she inspired a group of underpriviledged children who would be considered "at risk" to achieve a college education by offering to pay their tuition, but more importantly, by providing much of the support and encouragement they needed to get there.

I have to say, I was much more interested in the first half of the book, which covered the history of education in black America and Dr. Hayre's own rising through the educational ranks, than in the stories of the actual Risers. While the Risers are, of course, inspirational, the stories really didn't teach me anything I didn't already know about the capabilities of our "at risk" children. The history, however, presented me with detailed information about my own race (I am half black) and the history of education as it relates to one half of my family. It also made me cry.

General Oliver Otis Howard, a Union army officer was dedicated to the promise of education for black children after the Civil War. He was a patron of the boxcar schools those children attended and often went on tours visiting them, then went on to head the Freedmen's Bureau and later became the first president of Howard University, which was named for him (and is also both of my maternal grandparents' alma mater). On one of his visits to the boxcar schools he asked the children, "Now, what message shall I take back North?" One black child stood and said, "Sir, tell them we are rising."

It is true that liberation comes through education, that only through knowledge can we ever be free. It is my dearest hope that I will be able to instill in my students the knowledge that they can achieve their dreams through education, and that one of them might say, should someone ask, that they too are rising.

NCLB

2006-02-02T18:40:00.000-05:00

This afternoon I was able to go see David Berliner speak on campus. He gave a 90 minute talk on No Child Left Behind, his research on the failings of high-stakes testing, and what he thinks high-stakes testing is doing to our education system. It was really very interesting and I found myself in agreement with many of his points. His statistics and research are certainly very interesting, and I particularly liked his view on summative versus formative assessment.

My brain is kind of fried right now, and this is the end of my academic week so I'll be taking the rest of the evening off to vegetate before buckling down with my GRE study book and my coursework for next week tomorrow. I am so boring these days, but I'm actually interested in everything I'm studying (okay, except for the GRE) so I'm okay with that.

Quick thinking

2006-02-01T20:55:00.000-05:00

I co-taught my first art club session today at a local charter school. I have 21 kids in kindergarten through 4th grades. They are from a poor neighborhood that has a lot of problems, for the most part.

It was so much fun, but so difficult!

I got there expecting to spend the first day doing more assisting than anything else only to have the primary teacher tell me that she had no plan for the day and ask if I had any ideas for a project. Hmmmm. So, I suggested that the kids draw self-portraits, figuring that that would be simple and would allow me to learn a little bit about their interests and skills.

Wow.

Those kids are a handful! They were given two sheets of paper, one lined, to draw a picture and then write about themselves. They were given a bunch of crayons. Then, they were let loose.

The most common things I heard:

"Ms. Zoe, I'm not good at drawing."
"Ms. Zoe, how do you spell ----?"
"I'm done!" (usually triumphantly accompanied by the slamming of a crayon on the table and the child standing up out of his or her chair)
"Ms. Zoe, I messed up, can I have some more paper?"
"I can't do this because I need a pencil/ green crayon/ eraser/ pencil sharpener."

Wow.

I did a lot of encouraging the kids to sound out the spelling of words, laughing over kids writings, encouraging them to either write what they drew or draw what they'd written, encouraging the use of color, encouraging them that their artwork was good, and general all-around encouragin.

My favorite writing piece was something along the lines of:
"I am happy.
Sometimes I am funny.
I lik to play fut ball.
I lik to play outside.
I like ants.
I like to ~~eat ants~~ woch tv."

Next week I think I will have them make construction paper mosaics. I am so excited!

Improvement!

2006-01-31T23:02:00.000-05:00

It's a good thing I am energized by children and schools. My mood just skyrocketed after reading a funny post over at Ms. Issippi. I highly suggest you check it out. If you don't laugh at the end, there is something seriously wrong with you.

Rollercoaster (Disclaimer: One long rant ahead)

2006-01-31T22:48:00.000-05:00

I am all over the place emotionally today. I went from being super happy and enthusiastic leaving class (I guess, a good sign regarding the quality of my classes) to having a mini-breakdown due to stress and frustration about 15 minutes ago.

AHHHHHHHHHH!

There are just so many things to think about all at once right now, like the 80 bajillion forms (from grad school application stuff to fingerprinting and criminal background checks) I got from T.F.A. today. Two of which I either never got or managed to lose in my teeny (and currently very clean) apartment. I thought I saw one of them, but I've gone through every sheet of paper I have, and looked through the garbage about 5 times to make sure I didn't somehow throw them away (even though I haven't thrown anything away since I've been home), so I think they weren't in my packet. But that caused a huge stress ten minutes of searching and being frustrated.

I also had one of those sucky stressful conversations with my mother about money where I tried to tell her that I am going to burn out hardcore if I have to work 25-35 hours a week this semester like I did last semester (did I mention I'm a full time student at a very high-ranking university and I volunteer and I hold campus leadership positions?), but not working is putting a few hundred dollar dent in my monthly income and stressing me out EVEN MORE! Again, AHHHHHHHH! Not to mention all the test registration and form-filing fees that are popping up left and right.

And speaking of tests, I'm taking the GRE in less than three weeks, the Praxis I the week after that and the Praxis II the week after that. I know I'll do fine, but the thought of all that is just adding to the overwhelmingness. I spent three hours today studying GRE vocab. Yuck.

Also, as flippant as I may sometimes be about my social life (or lack of interest in it), refusing to go out all the time has the negative corrolating effect of alienating me from my friends with disturbing speed. It's okay though, I don't have time for all that anyway right now.

Continuing on, I talked to my dad briefly today (we don't talk much) and upon my politely asking how he was, he thought it necessary and appropriate to pour out all sorts of information about his (struggling) relationship with his girlfriend and something to do with being prescribed tranquilizers to help him sleep. WHAT?! I'm sorry, I know I'm an adult now, but there is still such a thing as uncomfortable amounts of personal information about your parents, particularly when it's the parent you rarely talk to.

And finally, I may be developing shin splints which would be terrible because at the moment working out is the only thing pulling me through my 16 to 17 hour days.

The times, they are a changin'

2006-01-30T20:49:00.000-05:00

I am kind of worried that I am starting to psych myself out by overthinking everything in life. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be so concerned about everything if I could just take a step back and remember that I am very capable and very qualified. I'm just such a perfectionist that I'm starting to worry about burnout. Already. Repeat: Everything does not have to be perfect all the tiii.... Can't do it. Why not shoot for the best?

Also, I've suddenly lost all interest in all things going-out-and-drinking-related. I think this is a result of diving headfirst into all things related to elementary education, particularly in urban areas. Suddenly fun is watching 2nd grade math lessons and reading about teaching reading. Weird. I'm even probably going to skip out on our semi-formal this semester. I just have no interest.

And finally, I got a new foster dog! He is a 7 month old lab mix named Grover. He is adorable, and I can't believe he wasn't adopted right away at the shelter. He's your typical goofy, playful puppy and would be an amazing family pet. Check out Independent Animal Rescue if you live in the Triangle area in NC and are interested in adopting a pet. Grover's on that site, but the picture isn't super flattering. There'll be a new one soon (probably I'll post one on here too). He and I have been getting lots of exercise the last couple of days.

Devestating

2006-01-28T19:02:00.000-05:00

What is wrong with our public education system that this is what one high school dropout wrote about it:

"I was always taught that you went to elementary school to prepare for junior high to prepare for high school which prepared you for college which prepared you for life. But life was happening when I was fourteen, and I was stuck in school. I wasn't being prepared, I was being held back, constrained. You know the first six years of life are the most important, kids aren't worried about survival or making it or earning money, and so they have dreams.

"We need to tell little kids to reach for the impossible. But then they get to school and learn only about what they can't do. What's not possible. They get rules, structures, and things have to be the same. I didn't wnat to be doing exactly like other kids. I had energy, passions, physical life to lead and that was set back. I couldn't wait and postpone my dreams." excerpt from Framing Dropouts by Michelle Fine

You can say all you want about learning to appreciate delayed gratification, the power of knowledge, blah, blah, blah. But clearly we are failing a large percentage of our urban children. Reading that made me want to cry. But it also made me angry and determined to do better for the children in my class next year.

Things are looking up!

2006-01-25T20:07:00.000-05:00

You may be pleased to know that my mood is now completely improved and even verging on happy! And all because there is an awesome Disney Channel Original Movie on right now. It's looking like it'll be a good one. Oh, that and my hot date tomorrow night.

It's all in the timing

2006-01-25T19:46:00.000-05:00

I must warn you, I am not in a particularly good mood right now. And this is an improvement over about 10 minutes ago when I was in an angry-crying-bitter mood. Why, you might wonder? Because a fraternity I used to hang out with a lot (the guys have been my friends since freshman year before they were even in the fraternity) is having a rush semi-formal this evening and I was not invited. Not only that, but the majority of my friends were invited. Nothing like being completely left out to put me in a fabulous mood.

So here I was, feeling all sad and lonely and rejected, when my CuteOlderGuy (remember, the one I met at the bar last Thursday night) called to arrange our dinner date! What timing! I am so impressed with him even though I can't exactly remember what he looks like. Any guy who asks for my phone number, actually calls (more than once!) and sets up a real date is pretty damn awesome in my opinion. Is that pathetic? Maybe a little, but more for the jackass guys I know than for me, I think.

Anyway, my mood has been significantly improved because I have a real man (okay, saying that kind of grosses me out, but I'm an adult now so I'll get over it) who is interested in taking me out to dinner (tommorrow night, btw). Take that you immature frat boys who don't ask me to things because you know I won't hook up with you after!

Although it does still kinda suck to be sitting at home alone while my friends are at a party. But it's a Wednesday. And I just promised COG I'd do my best to get over my lingering cold by our date tomorrow. Tee hee!

Oh yes...

2006-01-23T18:35:00.000-05:00

I forgot to mention that I will be spending 4 hours a week (at least), split over three days, in the public school system this semester! I am super excited because I think it will really help me prepare for T.F.A. For two hours every Monday I will be observing classrooms all over the city in all kinds of schools at all (elementary) grade levels for my Teaching Methods class. Then, for one hour each on Wednesday and Friday, I'll be a "classroom assistant" for a 5th grade teacher at a public school. I am super psyched! I think I start the first week of February, so stay tuned.

PS: In reference to the previous post, I do know that it's only about 6:40pm. I don't care. Plus, it's raining out, which is the perfect time to get in bed early to read. So there!

Yawn.

2006-01-23T18:30:00.000-05:00

Since I am still pretty sick, and have actually been pretty productive today, I am calling it a very early night. Well, kinda. My plan is to go get into bed (mmmm warm and toasty!) and read something that is not for class for a few hours before popping my Tylenol Flu Night Time and passing out.

Hopefully this will go better than last night, when I woke up promptly at the exact hour my medicine wore off. At 7am. When I went to sleep at 1:15am. And didn't have class until 1:30pm. Argh! Fingers crossed for some improvement in the morning.

Sketchy

2006-01-22T22:35:00.000-05:00

Since I can't have too many serious posts about my future in a row (according to the way my life seems to be going lately), I thought I'd share with you the wonders of the college dating scene as it currently stands.

At my prestigious private university, people don't date. They either get drunk and hook up (sometimes over a long stretch, sometimes once), or they are in a serious(ish) relationship. There is no middle ground. Nobody's really sure how that works, but that's the way it goes.

So. Earlier this week, my sorority had our "bid night" party, where we throw a huge raging blowout at a bar to celebrate our new members. It generally involves a lot of booze, many hilarious pictures and hordes of boys. It isn't how we like to present sorority life (and believe me, it is only a very small part of it), but there you have it - it happens, it's fun, things can get crazy.

After the raucous girls-only pre-party, I went over to the bar with some of my fellow seniors. At the time we got there, it was just starting to fill up, so we went over to the bar and started ordering drinks. About that time, I noticed a cute, older looking (like 25ish) guy at a nearby table with a couple of friends. He smiled at me and beckoned me to come over, but I (flirtateously) shook my head and continued to party with my girls.

Cut to at least an hour and many drinks later.

CuteOlderGuy and I mysteriously end up next to eachother at the bar and start talking, which mostly (as far as I can remember) involves flirting and making fun of each other and me pretending to not be interested in him. This goes on off and on for awhile while I occasionally wander off to talk to other friends in the (now packed) bar. Eventually, COG has to leave, since he is a grad student in nurse anesthesia and has class at 8:30 the next morning, but asks for my number before he goes. Hah. Normally I would not do such a thing, but due to my level of intoxication and general good humor that evening, I gave it to him, along with the declaration that I didn't expect him to actually use it.

There you have the bar-and-booze, kinda sketchy part of the story. Let's continue to Chapter 2: Wherein COG makes good:

He called me today. I really didn't expect him to, since the guys I'm used to are full of empty flirtation and generally don't follow through on such things. Apparently he actually called a couple of times but I was studying in our basement Greek Life office where I don't have reception, so I didn't even see the missed calls, and was going to invite me out to watch football with his friends. He called again around 9:30 and left a message, which I answered around 10. We talked briefly, and now have a tentative dinner date later this week.

I am amazed. I have never actually had a random-bar-meeting follow through to even the discussion of a second meeting, much less the promise of a dinner date. This is starting my week on a fabulous note!

GRE, Praxis and More Praxis, oh my!

2006-01-21T20:33:00.000-05:00

I just registered for two out of the three (actually, 3 out of the 6 if you break it down into individual tests) exams I need to take in the next two months. I'm scheduling them on three consequtive Saturdays because I can't take any during the week and I want to get them over with. It kind of scares me though, because that's a lot of test taking and three weekends in a row of absolutely no fun. Well, I guess Saturday night post-test fun would be okay. But that's it.

I'm also kind of terrified about studying. I don't know why, since historically I am an excellent test-taker. I think it's that I'm out of practice in such subjects as math. Particularly elementary math. And science. And social studies. I know I need to get back into them to teach them, but it's scary to start with a test. But hey, I go to an excellent university. This should not be a problem. That's what I keep trying to remind myself.

Here are the tests I am taking, listed for your perusal:
1. GRE General Test, February 18
2-4. Praxis I: Reading, Mathematics and Writing, February 25
5. Praxis II: Elementary Education: Curriculum, Instruction and Assessment
6. Praxis II: Fundamental Subjects: Content Knowledge

If you have any suggestions, I would be thrilled to hear them.

Whoa, just slow down!

2006-01-20T22:31:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to get a bit overwhelmed thinking about the next few months leading up to my first year as a teacher. There's just so much to do! Such as take the Praxis tests and the GRE, prepare for Teach For America training, finish college, figure out my life, etc, etc. It's pretty scary. Ihave this quickly growing stack of books about teaching and classroom management and all this other teaching-related stuff, but I don't know when I'll get through it all.

Of course, it would help if I could stop being sick and sleeping all the time.

In other news, even though I already had a stomach ache, I just ate something with milk in it. I am lactose intolerant. Stupid! Maybe it'll be okay since it was cooked? Ish? Bring on the tums...

And finally, I went and saw Tristan and Isolde tonight with one of my friends. It was pretty good, I guess. A little... I don't know, I wasn't that into it. But it was good. You should still see it. What I'm trying to say is that I liked Gangs of New York better and all those other epic dramas are starting blend together in my head. But yeah, go see it. Classic literature and all that.

Best Damn Pledge Class!

2006-01-17T11:48:00.000-05:00

My frame of reference is out of whack this year (I think since I'm a senior), but as far as I can tell and have heard, we reeled in an excellent pledge class. We ended up with quota +1, which won't make sense to you unless you are a sorority member as well, for a total of 32 lovely new ladies.

Since then I have been:
1) staring at them whenever they are all in one place trying to put faces with names
2) spending lots of time on facebook with my friend Cait stalking their profiles
3) approaching them randomly at bars and introducing myself by saying, "I'm not trying to be sketchy but I know who you are because I'm in your sorority"

I know it sounds weird, especially to non-Greeks, but really it just comes down to being super excited about these women who are going to be the ones to carry our sorority on.

Other than that, all this partying has taken a toll on my level of responsibility levaving me with a ton to do this week to get my life back in order and start getting into the swing of classes, etc.

Potential New Members

2006-01-15T12:02:00.000-05:00

Item 1. I meant to do less drinking this semester. So far, that hasn't happened. I've gone out to parties and bars for five out of the eight days I've been back at school. I missed two days because I had the flu, and one day at the beginning to unpack and get ready for recruitment and school. Other than that it has been one big party involving everybody in the senior class (not all at once, however) and a good number of everyone else. Good times, good times.

Item 2. Today is bid day! We will soon have a bunch of new sorority sisters! Right now I'm still in that nervous stage wondering how we did and who we got, etc, etc. We are an extremely strong chapter and we historically recruit very well, so I'm not worried, per se. It's just hard because I've been very involved with the inside process this year so I've seen all the names over and over and I've heard all our girls' thoughts and concerns so I've kind of taken on their worries.

ILL!

2006-01-12T20:54:00.000-05:00

And I don't mean that like "cool" or "tight." I mean that like I have a fever and I feel like crap and I keep burning up then getting chills. Yuck.

Still crazy busy (classes started yesterday), and looking at three more days of sorority recruitment starting tomorrow. We better get a damn fine pledge class to make all this worthwhile, that's all I'm sayin'.

PS: Thank God for Project Runway, Queer Eye and the new season of Beauty and the Geek (and, of course, Friends reruns). These simple things are what are getting me through today.

We are the best (clap, clap)

2006-01-07T20:59:00.000-05:00

Sorority recruitment (my last year!) starts tomorrow. I have spent approximately all of my time since I got back to NC yesterday working my ass off to help get us ready for the first round. Exhausting. I may not be posting for the next three days as we charge through the first two rounds because I'll probably be dead to the world the second I stop smiling and clapping and singing to/at freshmen. That or (let's be honest) out drinking with my guy friends in an attempt to get away from all those girls.

Also, classes start Wednesday. I'm kinda excited and kinda exhausted thinking about class and recruitment. And working. Whew, I think I need to go to sleep.

Philadelphia!

2006-01-06T02:08:00.000-05:00

The City of Brotherly Love

Home of the hoagie, the soft pretzel, the Tastykake (I have no clue what that is) and, of course, the Philly cheesesteak

The birthplace of the Declaration of Independence

Okay, that's all I can come up with right now because I'm very tired after spending a fun but intense day in a 4th/5th grade class at my old elementary school, but the moral of the story is that...

It's official: I will be teaching elementary school in Philly next year!

Hope and Desperation

2006-01-05T02:24:00.000-05:00

I just read Still Separate, Still Unequal: America's Educational Apartheid, by Jonathan Kozol, from Harper's. I had to keep taking breaks so that I wouldn't cry.

Some of the things the kids said sounded familiar: the disgusting bathrooms where only one or two stalls work and there isn't toilet paper. How degrading it is to have to speak to outsiders about the inequity. How you have to learn to create your sense of worth from something far away from school since everything at school combines to create a nagging reminder that somebody doesn't think you are worth (insert one of many options here, such as building repairs, better materials, and on and on).

In the end it made me want success as a teacher even more. It made me even more eager to get into the classroom and into the heads of my kids, and to help them understand that they do have value and that they can do anything and that education is the key to a better life.

But it also terrified me. Kozol is talking about the districts I was choosing between. I can't imagine teaching in a school that mandates arm motions to "train" the children. I don't know what I would do.

So I guess I'm left, partially devestated, partially determined, filled with desperation but hanging by my nails onto hope.

2006-01-04T18:44:00.000-05:00

I just went and visited my 3rd grade teacher at my old elementary school and am now totally hyped up on teaching again. I feel like I had started to stagnate with all the waiting for information and uncertaintly and having nothing positive to do over the break and that visit was exactly what I needed. Just going inside the building and the classroom and seeing the kids got me all happy and helped me regain my positive energy.

I am so sure (again) that this is what I should be doing with my life. I'm going in again tomorrow morning to observe her class and I can't WAIT!

New Year, New Look

2006-01-04T15:49:00.000-05:00

As you can see, I have once again done a mini-remodel of the blog. Kinda like a chemical peel, just surface work. I wanted to brighten things up a bit, and ended up going super girly with the color scheme, so we'll see how long that lasts.

Anyway, I hope you like it, or at least can live with it until the next change!

PS: Only one more day of waiting!

Really really really

2006-01-03T00:30:00.000-05:00

I really really really want to know where I am goign to be next year. It's down to three days (less than, since it's Thursday early afternoon). Waiting for this seems harder than waiting to hear if I was in does, I'm not sure why. Maybe because I am really bored here and am also waiting until I can go back to NC, my apartment, and what is now my real life on Friday.

These are the places I believe I may be assigned to, in the order I ranked them:
1. Philadelphia, PA
2. Austin, TX
3. Memphis, TN
4. Camden, NJ

This waiting thing is driving me nuts. Nuts, I tell you!

Happy New Year!

2006-01-02T14:44:00.000-05:00

Wow, I can't believe it's 2006. This is an especially weird one since it's a year I've been thinking about for the last 4 years (the year I graduate from college). It's also going to be a big year for me since after I graduate, I will be beginning my life completely on my own in a new city with a full time job as a teacher. Talk about new beginnings! Here are my resolutions:

1. Put myself first. I have a really hard time doing this and often I put other people or other things ahead of myself when I don't need to. I'm not saying I want to be selfish, just that I need to take some time for myself and do what I need to do for me.

2. Quit smoking. I only smoke socially now, when I've been drinking, but I want to stop entirely.

3. Work out more consistently. I'd like to get back to running 4 or 5 days a week.

4. Drink/ party less. I'm going to go back to an earlier limit I had of a maximum of one night per week. This is going to be difficult because it's the second semester of senior year and my friends are all huge parties, but I know it's worth it.

5. Prepare myself to be the best first-year teacher I can possibly be.

6. Spend less money/ save more money!

I think that's good for now. Here's to a new year!

A Fashion Show

2005-12-31T00:23:00.000-05:00

What with all my free time, I thought I'd spend a couple hours looking around online for teacher-appropriate clothing that fits my style. It's pretty hard, but I think I've made a big step in rediscovering the Anthropologie website. Here are my favorite items, for your perusal:

"Oh my ears and wiskers..."

2005-12-30T16:31:00.000-05:00

"... how late it's getting!" the White Rabbit, Alice in Wonderland

I can't believe this winter break (my last as a student) is almost over. Two-thirds, to be specific. I will be back in NC, preparing for my last semester of college and my next two years as a Teach For America teacher, and getting ready for a week of sorority recruitment, in exactly one week. This may be the last time I'm in Seattle until next winter. It is probably the last time I'll ever be in Seattle for more than one or two weeks.

The break feels as if it's coming to an end. The aunt/uncle/cousins contingent has moved into their new home, so the house is significantly quieter and emptier. I am quickly growing sick of my high school friends. I miss my apartment. I miss having a purpose.

I'm still okay with being able to sleep whenever I want to, though.

Lazy lazy day

2005-12-28T18:04:00.000-05:00

Popular Kid

In high school, everyone knew your name - even if you didn't know theirs.

In fact, your still skating by on your looks and charm. Nothing wrong with that!

Who Were You In High School?

Is it strange that the thing that sticks out the most in that answer is that it should be "you're still skating by" instead of "your," grammatically?

I guess it's somewhat true, although I like to think I am also intelligent, witty and a good person. Teehee! And I wasn't like the girls in Mean Girls. Just to clarify.

Anyway, nothing big to report today. I think I'm going to go do crosswork puzzles on the elliptical machine for awhile, then maybe read The True and Outstanding Adventures of the Hunt Sisters by Elisabeth Robinson. Have I mentioned that I love being on a break?

Gurgle gurgle.

2005-12-27T11:50:00.000-05:00

I think I'm becoming lactose intolerant. I won't go into the details (well, any more than I did in the post title) because I don't want to be grossing anyone out, but it's not pretty. I need to just come to terms with it and stop eating dairy products but it's hard since I don't like soy milk and I love lattes. I guess it's just coffee from here on out. Sigh.

In other news, I CANNOT WAIT to find out my T.F.A. regional assignment. I really really really want to know because then I can start obsessively researching that area for apartment locations and all kinds of other sweet stuff.

For my final brief update, I have 88% decided to sell my car in the next 6 months and use the money as a downpayment for a used Subaru Forester. Okay, maybe longer than 6 months because I need to be working and have an income for the payments, but as soon as possible. This is because my car (a 1998 VW Jetta) is just not that safe. It doesn't have anti-lock breaks and doesn't drive very well in bad weather. I'm kind of nervous about the concept of car payments, but I'm thinking I'll be okay if I take as much of the amount of the payments out of my rent budget. However, that will depend on where I live. ARGH!

So basically my life is at a standstill until January 5th.

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-25T01:08:00.000-05:00

I'm off to bring in Christmas at a candlelight service at First United Methodist here in Seattle. I wish you all happy holidays no matter what you celebrate or don't celebrate!

Like a sponge.

2005-12-24T00:33:00.000-05:00

Ever since I learned I was accepted into TFA, I have been reading like crazy. I spent most of today searching online for information about teaching, reviewing a couple of blogs by corps members and reading books I've recently bought in a mad quest for as much information as possible (in typical me style).

I finished Wendy Kopp's One Day, All Children... about the beginnings of Teach For America (cover is shown below in the photo-filled shopping post). I really enjoyed reading it. It put the program in an entirely new perspective for me, but one I can related to from my own programming and development experience (obviously not on the same scale though). I'm even more inspired now!

Also, I changed my web browser homepage from my university's homepage to the T.F.A. homepage and watched the recruiting video for what I think is the 4th time. Obviously I am obsessed.

Finally, I started a notebook full of jotted ideas for teaching and my classroom and everything ever that I pick up and don't want to forget. So far I have 4 pages front and back of notes. I wish I knew my region, at least, so that I can start obsessively researching that area as well, but I suppose it's probably good that I don't so that I get some sleep/ free time in during this last big break.

Next, I'll be starting on that classroom management book I mentioned in that earlier post, Setting Limits in the Classroom. For a cool kid, I'm a pretty big nerd!

Gooooooal!

2005-12-22T14:48:00.000-05:00

You're Brazil!

You're athletic, charming, and probably a good dancer.
Unfortunately, you don't really mind chopping down the rain forest, and you probably
consider homeless people expendable in certain circumstances. Of course, your
personality is so diverse that it's hard to track down exactly what you're like. You
definitely like Pele, the World Cup, and shouting "gooooal" at the
top of your lungs.

Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

Retail Therapy

2005-12-21T20:34:00.000-05:00

Started off the day in a tiff at my mother. As a result, I spend the rest of the day in a shopping frenzy all over the city of Seattle, starting in Pioneer Square:

Stop 1. Elliott Bay Book Company. Purchased two books on teaching/ education:

Trekked from Pioneer Square to the Ave in the U District.

Stop 2. University of Washington Bookstore.
Purchased one book on teaching:

Stop 3. American Apparel.
Purchased two shirts (same style, different colors), and a shirtdress:

Stop 4. Pitaya.
Purchased a Victorian-style lacy shirt, a rockstar black leather studded bag and a pretty necklace (couldn't find pics, sorry)

Ran through the Anthropologie at UVillage, didn't find anything, then came back home to read and chill. Now, all my high school friends are coming over to make dinner and hang out for awhile. Hopefully the day will end better than it started, it's looking good right now!

Hoorah!

2005-12-21T00:39:00.000-05:00

Good news! I have officially been offered a place in the 2006 Teach For America corps! I am very excited, and am eagerly awaiting January 5th when I get my regional assignment and tentative grade level, as well as the information about the institute and everything else that should be coming shortly after that. I can't believe that's just two weeks and a day away! It's also the day before I go back to school. My how time rushes by.

Close to perfect

2005-12-20T12:15:00.000-05:00

Right this moment, I am happy.

It's still relatively early, and my uncle got up to take one of my cousins to the airport really early, so everyone else in the house is still asleep. I brought my laptop into the living room, where one of the cats is curled on the big blue chair. I turned on the fire, and am now curled up in a warm fleece blanket on the loveseat, about to settle to reading a book and maybe taking a nap (I also got up early this morning to drive my mom to work). The Christmas tree we bought yesterday is up across the room, but hasn't been decorated yet. I find out in a few hours if I'm in Teach For America.

This morning is all anticipation of great things to come: family all around, decorating the tree, a couple more weeks of relaxation, and my future. This morning is close to perfect.

I forgot to mention!

2005-12-19T16:09:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I find out if I've been accepted to Teach For America. Keep your fingers crossed!

Making the grade

2005-12-19T15:14:00.000-05:00

I finally got all my grades. Well, except for pilates, but that's pass/fail and I know I passed so it doesn't really matter (although, it's always nice to see that final P on the page). My GPA for the semester is a solid 3.75 made up of two A's, one A- and one B+, so I'm happy with that.

I'm a little frustrated, however, because it only improved my overall GPA by 0.02, from a 3.44 to a 3.46. I also determined that even if I get all A's next semester, the highest GPA I can graduate with is a 3.52. I don't really know what I was expecting, and obviously that's a great GPA. I guess it's more of a reaction to the knowledge that college is pretty much over and there's not much that can change anymore. Weird.

In other news, I'm going out with the fam to get a Christmas tree today. Pretty exciting, since we haven't had a tree at all, much less a live tree for years! Hoorah!

And now, our math lesson for the day

2005-12-18T04:04:00.000-05:00

me + extreme boredom + cell phone + a dash of booze = lots of poor decisions regarding guys I used to date

Some Friends

2005-12-17T23:44:00.000-05:00

Really really annoyed right now because one of my friends totally backed out on going to this show tonight that I really wanted to go to. I am not going by myself. Not because I can't go to shows by myself (totally untrue, I've done it before), but because I don't want to be walking around bars in the city at night alone. That's just sketchy and marginally unsafe. ARRRRGH! Way to add on to an already terrible day.

Now trying to motivate myself to get dressed up and go to the ex's cocktail party even though I don't really want to. At least there'll be free booze.

Time keeps on slippin'

2005-12-16T17:01:00.000-05:00

So far today I have:

- wandered aimlessly around my house
- rummaged up some breakfast
- twice tried to eat dairy products (yogurt and string cheese) only to have them taste moldy even though that's not possible for either of them
- made tea
- watched Sesame Street
- played coloring games online
- defrosted frozen guacamole
- made scones

Basically it's been an ideal day spent rotating between doing absolutely nothing, baking and playing with a 4-year-old. One of those days where spending 30 minutes scooping up beans and pouring them into a bowl over and over and over again isn't boring.

I love winter break.

Also: it would be sweet if my professors would just suck it up and post their grades so I can stop checking the website every 10 minutes. Is that too much to ask?